I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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