So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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