Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
