I smell stomach acid.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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