I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
