Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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