yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
