I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
