you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
