My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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