she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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