you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize