They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
