i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
