I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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