He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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