Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
