Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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