I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
