I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
