Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize