I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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