her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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