There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize