I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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