My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
