You're my little dorito
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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