we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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