well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
