i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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