and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
