I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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