note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
