Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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