Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
