He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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