Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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