Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
