check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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