She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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