Got a toothbrush?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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