Banned from zoo.
Again?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
