Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
