We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
