i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They took my balls.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
