The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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