I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The struggles of a small town man whore
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
