We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I see more hoeing in ur future
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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