We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
