youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
