Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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