Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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