meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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