areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I love having hate sex.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We are all done wearing pants today
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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