There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think my moral compass just broke
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
