What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
