also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
