Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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