video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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