you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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