Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
