I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
