maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
