Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
